You know what? I'm getting sick and tired of J.D. Power & Associates (and no, just because I said their name, that doesn't mean I have to link to them — nothing in the
Blogger's Handbook says I have to do that). What, some guy wakes up in the morning and just
decides that he and his Associates are going to start ranking stuff? And they're going to run a business based on that?
Here's my position on the matter, Mr. J.D. Power & Associates: you can't go around making blanket yearly statements about customer satisfaction unless you consult
me first. I'm a customer — it's what I do, and I've done it for 31 years now. I
know when I'm satisfied and when I'm not satisfied, and I'm not going to change my mind just because of your rankings. I certainly am not going to accept your "rankings" unquestioned, not unless and until I get a window into your methodologies. And you don't seem all that willing to let us into your Little Black Box. When a ballplayer endorses a razor, at least I know he's a ballplayer, and that he got paid for the ad. But who the hell are you? What makes you such Mr. Perfect Objective Expert?
Jerk.
In fact, if I did a customer satisfaction ranking of customer satisfaction rankers, Mr. Power, you and your Associates would be way down at the goddam bottom. But you know what? I'm not so presumptuous, Mr. Power. I'm not going to take my personal views and cram them in someone else's face. Have you ever heard the phrase "
De gustibus non est disputandum," Mr. Power? Go on and ask your Associates, see if they know what it means. Roughly translated, it means you and your Associates don't know jack shit about
my customer satisfaction, and I resent the suggestion that you do.
You know what else? It wouldn't surprise me if your last name really isn't Power. That's just the kind of name a guy like you would make up to give yourself more clout. And it would not surprise if you didn't even have any Associates, either. Or if you do, you only have two, so you're not technically lying when you say "Associates." After all, you don't say how many Associates you have. You just say you have Associates. Who are they, then? No — wait — let me guess: your mother and your goldfish. You're running this customer satisfaction
Powerhouse out of your parent's basement, aren't you? And your name is really J.D. Bullshitter.
That's your real name, isn't it?
ISN'T IT?
I've had it up to here [indicating with hand pressed against forehead] with J.D. Power & Associates. Cut the crap already, because none of us are buying it.
