Editor-in-Chief
MAXIM Magazine
New York, New York
Dear Sir:
I write to apply for a job with your magazine. Specifically, I think I am a strong candidate for the position of Sexy Woman Cover Blurb Writer. Although I do not have very much experience writing sexy woman cover blurbs, I believe my talent and enthusiasm for this sort of work makes up for what my resume lacks. My writing has zip and kick, and I think it conveys a kind of carnality that your readership will identify with and enjoy.
But rather than blow my own horn, why don't I just show you what I can do? Here are some sample cover blurbs that I wrote just last night. And believe it or not, I wrote all these blurbs in just one forty-five minute session! And I had the TV on in the background at the time, so I was distracted. Not because I especially like
Gilmore Girls, but I think the actresses who portray the mother and daughter on that show are babe-a-licious honeys! Anyway, here are my examples. I chose cover models from a variety of backgrounds to show you my versatility.
• [Former Disney Channel child star who wants to show the world her parents don't control her life anymore] GOOFS around. Our MOUSE isn't MINNIE anymore! BECAUSE THERE ARE PICTURES OF HER INSIDE WHERE SHE BARELY HAS ANY CLOTHES ON AT ALL!!!
• [Female curler who wants to sex up her sport on the eve of the 2006 Winter Olympics] wants to MELTS THE ICE with you! SHE'S AS HALF-NAKED AS THE BIATHLETE FROM LAST MONTH!
• Got a light? 'Cause [World-renowned woman chemist who needs the money because her grant funding only goes to men] has the BUNSEN BURNER, she's ALMOST NAKED, and she's COOKING WITH GAS! And she wants to show you her MOLES.
• [Presidential candidate] wants you to STUFF her BALLOT BOX! What she won't do for YOUR VOTE! SHE'S IN SEXY UNDERWEAR!
• [The actresses who portray mother and daughter on the
Gilmore Girls] like it FAMILY STYLE. THEY'RE NOT WEARING ANY CLOTHES!
So? What do you think? Pretty good? Well, there's plenty more where that came from. Imagine if I had a
full month, instead of just the forty-five minutes, to think up the blurb for your cover! I also think that if I were able to meet and spend time with the sexy women, which I expect I'll probably get to do if I get this job, I would be able to get insights into their personalities that would really help me develop my concepts over the course of the month.
Please
write me back with any questions you might have. With forty-five minutes' notice, I can provide further material for you to review. I would love to speak further with you about this in an interview setting. I really, REALLY think I am the man for this job.
Very Truly Yours (if you know what I mean (wink-wink)),
/s/
[PHUTATORIUS]
