Well, the negotiations were long and arduous, the lawyers barked and spat, but after a long three days it all came to fruition. The papers are signed, the
heretofores and
henceforwards duly noted and initialed, and I am now pleased to announce that Phutatorius & Co. has finalized a three-way cross-promotion deal with
Pepsico and
Smith & Wesson.
Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking,
What does this mean for me? Well, for starters, it means FREE STUFF. Oh, did I just grab your attention? Thought so. This new partnership will bring all kinds of bennies to devoted readers in the coming months. For starters, y'all will be looking down the barrel of free 20-ounce bottles of Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, and Mountain Dew, from now through September! Here's how it works, in three easy steps:
(1) Take a walk down to your local Army/Navy surplus store and pick yourself up a Smith & Wesson brand firearm;
(2) Visit this site and pick up today's "password to Pepsi";
(3) Now walk on down to your corner store, wave your weapon at the clerk — make sure to get it right in his face so he can see the Smith & Wesson logo — and say the password.
Bingo! Walk out the door with your free drink!
And just to get the ball rolling in style, I'm going to serve up two days' passwords at once. But after that, only one a day. If you're thirsty, come see me.
Tomorrow's password: "DANCE, YOU BASTARD! DANCE!" Then, after a short pause, "I DON'T SEE YOU DANCIN'!"
And Wednesday's: "HEY, PARTICIPATING VENDOR! CLOSE YOUR EYES AND SAY YOUR PRAYERS!"
Watch this space for more great offers, including a ten-minute "Grab What You Can" shopping spree for ten lucky winners later this month!
