I came up big in Music Trivia on the flight home from Florida yesterday. Yeah, that's right: of the four rounds I played, I ran away with three, and in the fourth only a controversial photo finish gave temporary honors to "JOHN" up in 11E.
Song's flights are equipped with personal touch-screen monitors, embedded in the seat backs in front of you, just above the collapsible tray tables. The screens pick up satellite TV and offer the trivia game: the questions are multiple choice, you hit the touch screen for answers, and the faster you answer, the more points you win. Just to put the sheer dominance of yesterday morning's trivia play into perspective, I should tell you that I, unlike my strongest competitors, was seated in an exit row. I therefore had to reach considerably further to enter my answers, a handicap that I don't doubt lost me crucial points, as it took me longer to bring my finger to the touch screen, and my touches were not, on the whole, as accurate as they might have been in regular seating.
That I played from the championship tees might explain that single blemish on my record. Anyone who knows me would smell a rat: Phutatorius the Great would
never have claimed that anyone other than the Pointer Sisters recorded "Jump (For My Love)." The screen, however, tried to tell me that I selected La Bouche. Are you kidding me? The win goes in the books as yours, JOHN in 11E, but you and I both know who was the better player in that round and in all others.
And to all you
schlubs I trounced up in first class, you wouldn't know rock 'n' roll if it bit your disgusting classist butts and shouted, "ROCK 'N' ROLL!" So maybe when Song gets it together to ask "cultured" questions about violin concertos and Shostakovich, you might get a chance to vindicate your preferred seating. But in the meantime, keep drinking your free Bloody Marys and remember — we're sitting behind you, we're angry, and we're smarter than you.
