The way I see it, there are three classes of fortune-cookie fortune. There is the fortune that makes a descriptive — usually complimentary — statement about the reader's life or personality:
You are a wise person with a keen eye for flattery. Then there is the fortune that offers unsolicited advice or encouragement, leading the more paranoid among us to believe that the fortune-writer has identified some deficiency in character:
Your silence is your best asset.
And finally, there is the fortune that actually promises something good. My all-time favorite, of course, was
One day you will write a book — this after I spent eight years writing and rewriting a book. Another gave me the assurance that
Your hard work will pay off, which I found cheering but perhaps a bit too slavishly promotional of capitalist dogma (Is
You will get what you need and give what you can a staple sentiment in Red China's cookie analogues?).
Maybe I'm wrong — and it wouldn't be the first time my personal opinion did not fall into rhythm with the
pulse of America — but I think we all like this third class of fortune best. Increasingly, however, I put aside my beef with broccoli and crack open flat observations and words of questionable wisdom, and I'm not sure what is supporting this trend.
Clearly the fortune-writers are responsive to demand; otherwise they wouldn't print lucky numbers within parameters that cross-promote with state lotteries. So why can't we get more fortunes that promise us rich futures with financial windfalls and assured happiness? Is it a fear of litigation? I would imagine that faulty advice is better grounds for a lawsuit than promised gains that never materialize. Here's an idea: perhaps the government asked the fortune-writers to temper our expectations, lest a broad-ranging disappointment lead to civil unrest outside the Golden Hunan.
The simple fact is that if someone who knows next to nothing about my life is going to butt into my business, I'd rather they did it with open-ended promises, and not advice. And until that sea change in fortune-crafting happens, you can look for Phutatorius at the Indian place down the block.
