It's time for a humbled Phutatorius to extract foot from mouth and frame his deepest apologies to the Daimler Chrysler Corporation. I had spent much of the past six months insisting to anyone who would listen that the "legendary" status of the HEMI engine, so wildly touted in Dodge's recent ad campaign, was wholly fabricated. That is,
who are they kidding? There was no HEMI legend until about five minutes ago, when Dodge mobilized a troop of fat, mid-30s, sausage-grilling heart-of-America male commercial actors to gush about it. For my part, I had never heard of the "legendary" HEMI before I saw the ad campaign's thirty-second flagship promo — you know, the one with the drive-thru window worker lapsing into girl-and-truck fantasies upon hearing a customer's affirmation that yes, that's a HEMI humming under the hood of his Dodge Ram.
I admit it — I was all-too-ready to dismiss the HEMI buzz as one more marketing insult, in a class with the "STAN'S WORLD FAMOUS HOT DOGS: COME TO OUR GRAND OPENING!" sign I saw on a refurbished Taco Bell building a few years ago in my hometown. And a friend of mine, whom I consulted on this point, seemed to be in agreement, but as you can see, his
area of expertise is no more related to the automotive industry than mine is.
Three more HEMI-peppered Dodge ads during Sunday's NFL Divisional Playoff telecasts lit a fire under me, and I went to do some research on the subject. As it turns out, a filing with the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office affirms that Daimler Chrysler (or its predecessor in interest) has been using the HEMI mark on automobile engines since 1966.
I am therefore now willing to concede that Dodge's HEMI engine has been in existence long enough to be "legendary." That said, I am still unsure that the HEMI's performance over the years has earned it the status of legend among American males. I intend to settle the matter with a survey of the crowd at my next NASCAR race. So we'll talk at the Hell-Freezes-Over 500.
